Finding Your Ideal Mate(7) - Myths About Internet Dating

There is a myth that Internet dating is primarily for weirdos, losers or frustrated housewives. But the Internet is likely to be the the ultimate dating vehicle of the future. Currently, it merely reflects the diversity of life in sharper relief. You will find the losers and sexists, the shy ones and the brash ones, mingling easily with the high flyers, hedonists and the social butterflies. The trick is to spot your required type as early as possible. Lots of successful people who don't have time for trusting to 'luck' use Internet services (8 million in the UK, and counting, with Direct Dating leading the pack and Match.com for the international market). It is immediate, personal, intimate, and can be used in the privacy of one's home without even moving an inch or anyone knowing at all what you are doing.

When I first registered five years ago, I was able to speak to some great professionals like me who shared my aim. I found nothing sinister or strange about it. It was rather odd, at first, telling friends that my first lover and I met through an Internet dating site, but I reminded myself that the site is like any other dating agency. You pay your money, advertise what you seek, and wait for the hoped-for results which might take a long while to bear fruit. As a woman said, she thought that with the thousands of people to choose from on the Internet, she would have her kind of man 'in no time'. Months later, she was still bemoaning the fact that he had not yet materialised. So, as anywhere else, contact really depends on the quality, not the quantity, of the potential suitors available.

Trust Your Common Sense


The Internet is proving to be one of the safest places for adults to meet because so much time is spent on the introductions, it is not too difficult to spot someone who is telling porkies! The fact that people have to give their credit card and address details to Internet Service Providers also means that most people can be traced in case of any misdemeanour. As long as you are careful and trust your common sense about meeting any stranger, it should be fine. Always email or text first, asking as many questions as you can to gauge history, experience and aspirations, then speak on the phone before agreeing to meet, taking their number first, if you have any apprehension. Seeing a photo first is also a must, but do remember that it is one-dimensional and depends on one's mood when it's taken!

If you are not sure about a meeting, just say you'd like to think about it a bit longer and leave it at that. If the person seems too needy or they pressure you to meet against your instincts, then don't. You have to want to meet that person too for it to work. The great thing about Internet dating is that, by the time you meet, all the preliminaries will have been put in place leaving only the physical side to match, which gives a distinct edge over meeting someone in person from scratch. Additionally, if you are not too impressed at the outset, they can be dismissed at the touch of a button!

5 Erogenous Zones You Must Stimulate To Rock Her World

Do you know the secret to improving your sex life?

Well to be honest incredible sex starts with one thing...

Pleasing YOUR woman!

If you can rock her world in the bedroom, then you'll have taken that crucial first step towards having a great sex life.

Now there are a number of methods to pleasing women. But an incredible lover knows that turning her on before sex is the key to bringing her to the big "O"!

So how do you do this?

Well it's simple...

You have to locate and stimulate her erogenous zones.

As you probably know there are certain areas on a woman which are sources of great pleasure. If you know how to concentrate on these areas, you'll become the best lover she's ever had.

Now you might think a woman's only erogenous zone is her breasts, but that's not the case. Actually there are many areas you can stimulate which will get her really excited.

To help you out here are five areas which you can get started with:

1- Her Neck

A woman's neck is THE most sensitive part of her body. To really get her going, you must learn to correctly caress and kiss this area. When doing this, you should run your fingers along her neck and kiss it lightly. Another technique which works incredibly well is to lightly nibble on her neck.

2- Her Hands

As you probably know, a woman's sense of touch is a constant source of pleasure. So if you know how to kiss her hands and caress them, you can quickly build excitement.

What you want to do is run your hands along her palms, play with her fingers, and give her a sensual hand massage. By focusing on her hands you'll be much different from other guys. You'll stand out in a positive way.

3- Her Ears

Another really sensitive area is a woman's ear. If you really want to drive her nuts, you should lick or nibble on her ears.

But I have a quick warning...

Each woman has different sensitivity areas when it comes to their ears. Some love having this area stimulated while others hate it. This means you should be cautious, and start slowly. Then observe her reactions and work from there.

4- Her Feet

A good foot massage can melt a woman like butter. If you can learn how to touch and caress and her feet without tickling her, she'll be really turned on.

What you want to do is gently touch and knead her feet. Then judge her reactions and progress from there.

5- Her Inner Thighs

A woman's inner thighs are incredibly sensitive. Since this is area is close to her "promised land"', you must earn her trust before trying to caress this area.

Simply stroke (or even kiss) this area, then watch her positive reaction. I bet she'll love it!

A woman's erogenous zones are a constant source of pleasure and excitement. If you can properly stimulate these sensitive areas, you'll have her going crazy with passion.

Simply follow sexual tips I provided in this article, and you'll become a provider of incredible sex!

Top 10 Sex Myths - Where's Your Head At?

Very few things that happen during sex are a disaster unless you choose to see them that way. When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at will change.

The Journal of Marital and Sexual Therapy recently reported that 1 in 4 of us are unhappy with our sex lives. Problems with sex arise out of a combination of factors: for example lack of confidence, communication difficulties, inexperience and lack of skill, unrealistic expectations, refusal to take responsibility for our own sexual pleasure and

What many people are not aware of is that there are a vast amount of beliefs and opinions about sex that we all have and take with us into every sexual encounter. For the most part, we are not aware of out particular biases and expectations yet these unexamined yet rigid convictions have the potential to ruin any sexual experience.

1. SEXUAL FANTASY IS A BARRIER TO INTIMACY

Many people prevent themselves from having the best sexual experiences that they could have because they believe that fantasy should be restricted to masturbation and should not be an aspect of partner sex. This could not be further from the truth. Choosing whether and when to share a private desire with your partner can be exhilarating. Yet sharing is not the point of fantasy. Fantasy is all about learning what turns you on and exploring your potential to express your sexuality. It is not unusual for women to have trouble reaching orgasm with a partner because of insufficient mental arousal. She probably knows how to orgasm through masturbation but feels too guilty to enter the realm of fantasy when with her partner. The ability to be intimate is enhanced by self-knowledge and confidence and the uninhibited expression and communication of fantasy can bring people closer together.

2. PENETRATION IS THE GOAL OF SEX

Concentrating on the destination rather than the journey is responsible for the burden placed upon men to 'perform' on demand but is only a part of a vastly wider area of sexual possibilities. Penetration is often made the centre of sex, yet oral and manual sexual activity is likely to be at least as – and frequently more – satisfying for a woman. When penetration is seen as the 'goal' of sex, then foreplay becomes something that leads to proper sex, rather than being a pleasure in and of itself. When sex is reduced to being a rush towards the man's ejaculation through penetration, then it is no wonder that so many people find sex to be disinteresting and boring. It is more that the definitions of sex in our culture are shallow and trivialise the majesty and mystery that sex can be.

3 MORE SEX MEANS BETTER SEX

Quality versus quantity of sex is likely to be different at varying times. It is unrealistic to expect that sex is always going to be mind-blowing and require a heavy investment of time and effort. Variety is the key. Getting stuck in a predictable routine that both partners play out means that sometimes both quantity and quality suffer. We are surrounded by misinformation about sex. Surveys that tell us how often everybody is having sex (or more realistically, how often people say they are having sex) become methods of establishing a spurious norm of sexual activity that you may try to replicate.

Quality can suffer if you are too intent upon upping the quantity of your sexual experiences. Many people feel under pressure to have a lot of sex but this does not mean that they are going to be a better lover or have better sex. It merely means that they have more sex. Compulsive sexual behaviour can be detrimental to your sense of who you are, what you have to offer, your work, relationships. It can mask low quality sex. Comparing yourself with your perceptions of other people's sex lives is always a destructive mode to get into. The only thing that needs matter to you is your own sexual happiness.

4 I AM JUST NOT A VERY SEXUAL PERSON

Loss of sexual desire is a common concern for many people and it is an issue that has no single cause. When you have persistent thoughts about feeling unworthy, unloved, unwanted and of not deserving of great sex, not attractive enough, you may manage to convince yourself that you just are not very sexual. Everybody has sexual energy and the capacity to express and enjoy a fulfilling sex life. What can happen is that your negative thoughts about yourself mean that you lose touch with the sexual part of yourself and start to feel disconnected from your sexuality. Identifying the internal self-talk that is damaging your sexual expression enables you to begin to re-connect with your sexuality and believe that you are no different to anyone else: you deserve and are entitled to sexual happiness. You will need to change the way you think about yourself or your label will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you are looking for evidence to back up a belief, you can always find it. It doesn't make it right or true. It just means you see what you want to see, whatever helps you feel comfortable – even this is only the comfort to be found in what is safe, unchallenging and familiar.

5 BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE HAVE BETTER SEX.

Sex begins in the brain and sexual attraction and energy feed off of factors other than physical appearance. When you make love, you are so much more than your body. This belief feeds off the comparisons you make between yourself and other people. Beautiful people do not have more successful relationships, nor do they have better sex. Sexual fulfilment is about self-acceptance. The way you feel about your body is apparent to other people and can make sex a joy or a disaster. The danger with this belief is that you start to play the game of 'If only'. If only I was thinner, more attractive, more sexually adventurous, then I can have the sex life that I want. When you make your dreams dependent upon some other change, then you reduce the chances that you will find the courage to make any changes at all. There is nothing to be gained by waiting. You need to start taking action to change now.

Your body image and the things you tell yourself about your sexual desirability are important factors that influence your sexual happiness. Whilst valuing your own desirability makes quality sex more achievable, loving your looks alone is no guarantee of a deeper and more solid sense of self-esteem. You can feel desirable but empty of desire. Self-acceptance and learning to love yourself extends beyond appreciating your attractiveness and incorporates an acknowledgement and respect of who you are, what you stand for and what you contribute to the world and other people.

6 THE CHILDREN MUST COME FIRST.

Many couples experience a decrease in their sexual satisfaction after they have had children. Believing that the child's needs should always come first can mean that a total lack of privacy, time, energy and commitment makes sex a distant memory. Having children is a stressful time for every couple and the relationship dynamic will change. Balancing affection and attention between your children and your partner is a challenge that needs to be met head on.

Couples with young children need time alone to focus on each other's needs and desires. They need to listen and respect each other and acknowledge their sexual situation, whatever it is. Being a mother or a father does not mean that you have to give up being yourself. It is important to set boundaries with your young children so that they know and accept that their parents expect privacy sometimes and are not always prepared to rush to fulfil their child's needs on demand.

7. SEX IS NO LAUGHING MATTER

Playing, being silly and laughing are all great ways to deepen intimacy and enhance sexual pleasure. Some people believe that sex must be, can only be, 'romantic' and so attach a great deal of earnestness to the experience. It is possible to learn the benefits of lightening up. When sex cannot incorporate elements of play, it is often an indication of an impoverished emotional connection. Usually, it is not difficult to bring the fun back into sex, even if it feels a little forced at first.

When sex is viewed as about achievement and competition, then lightness and frivolity are likely to be absent. Keep in mind that sex is about whatever works for you and keeping play and foolishness a part of sex can help to prevent sex becoming a stale and predictable.

8. SEX MUST BE A GENEROUS ACT; I WANT TO SATISFY HIS/HER SEXUAL NEEDS

Great sex is both generous and selfish. Most people do get turned on by their partner's arousal and this is fantastic but if you put all your energy into finding out what she/he wants, what about you? Who is giving you what you need? Being prepared to get your own needs met is an indication that you are willing to take care of yourself, rather than relying upon other people to meet your unmet and perhaps unvoiced desires.

Sexual communication is all about clarity, saying what you think and feel. It is also about setting boundaries, discussing what you do not like and both parties must be able to say no and for this to be accepted. If you find yourself having sex because you don't want to hurt the other person's feelings, think about what you are doing. Honour yourself and what you want and share any feelings of ambivalence. This means that intimacy levels can remain high and misunderstandings are not given opportunity to distort your relationship with your partner.

9. PREMATURE EJACULATION IS A SIGN OF A POOR LOVER.

Being unable to control ejaculation is a worry for many men. Most practically, even if you have had an orgasm, don't leave your partner high and dry. Often feelings of shame, failure and anticipating your partner's disappointment mean that his orgasm means the end of sex. It comes back to widening your perception of what sex can be and not being enslaved to ideas about sexuality that are widely circulated in our culture.

In terms of his sexual pleasure, learning how to manage his anxiety about performance and being able to talk to a partner are the most effective ways of building sexual confidence. Some of the informal strategies that are popular in our culture do more harm than good. For example, trying to delay ejaculation by distracting yourself with non-sexual thoughts will do little to enhance your sexual pleasure.
This strategy is more likely to create a feeling of disassociation for him from his own body and the situation that he is in. It may help him to delay ejaculation (although this is debatable) but consciously focusing away from your physical pleasure is unlikely to facilitate peak sexual experiences. Being emotionally present during sex is crucial to sexual awareness and intimacy. It is a far more successful strategy for a man to learn about how to control his ejaculation than to continue to consciously create emotional distance from his partner and the sexual experience.

Tantric sex exploration is a great way to learn the capacity to control male ejaculation as it teaches techniques that enable him to distinguish between orgasm and ejaculation. Contrary to popular belief they are not the same thing!

10. AN ERECTION IS ONE AND THE SAME THING AS SEXUAL AROUSAL

This is a difficult idea for many people to get their heads around. Sexual arousal happens within a context that is emotional, physiological and visual. If you think about the nature of desire and attraction, recognise that it is not always a purely physical response; it involves idiosyncratic and sometimes unpredictable preferences. Sexual desire just does not exist without a sexual context. It is confirmed/reduced by the accompanying emotions and thoughts that you focus on at any time. Men have erections of varying hardness according to how they are thinking and feeling at the time. An erection does not necessarily mean that a man is fully, or even a little, aroused. He may become erect without feeling particularly sexy.

For men who are insecure about maintaining their erection, confusing erection with arousal means that they often rush into sex before they are completely ready. If you habitually move from low arousal into sex, desire may well start to decrease. Part of the reason for this is that many men feel that they may lose an erection if they don't immediately act upon its presence. Having sex in an atmosphere of fear and insecurity is not going to give you the best sexual experiences that you are capable of having.

There are many things that men can do to learn to have more confidence and control over their erections and ejaculatory control instead of ignoring his insecurity and depriving himself of great sexual experiences. Whenever your decisions and actions are motivated by fear and uncertainty, you are selling yourself short in some way or another. Many men are not sure about where their pleasure comes from during sex and experience a lack of understanding about their own bodies that means that they are unaware that their whole body can become aroused. If you are committed to gaining ore control over your ejaculatory response, invest in some of the many interesting and informative guides that enable men to delay ejaculation and become more connected with their sexual potential.

There are many other myths that run people's sex lives. Whenever you find yourself thinking 'he / she / I should / must / ought . . . ', you are probably listening to the demands of a sex myth that is taking you away from what you want and think and encouraging you to follow what other people want and feel. When are you going to listen to and follow you own rules?

Recognise that the thoughts that you have affect the sex life that you create. Know that you can choose to change the way you think and learn self-acceptance, respect for your sexual self and experience ease, excitement and power in the ways you choose to express yourself sexually.

© Dr Tara Few, The UK Sex Coach, 2007

Relationship Tips - Making The Effort

Trying to figure out how to put the romance back into your relationship? Want to feel more connected to your partner? The following tips can help you get more out of the relationship you have now.

Tip #1: Keeping in Touch with your Partner

You tune up your car. You go in for dental checkups and annual doctor appointments. Have you ever considered how important it is to have a "check up" for your relationship? What is the purpose of a check-up? To ensure that your health/teeth/car are all in working order!! Why would your relationship be any different? Think about it. Your needs constantly change, your partner's needs change too. Logically, your relationship has to change over time as well. It is important to communicate these changes to your partner; otherwise, your partner is making the attempt to meet past needs that may not have a purpose in your current life (and vice versa). The more you "check in" with your partner, the greater opportunity you have to circumvent misunderstandings and maintain a healthy relationship.

Tip #2: What Goes Around Comes Around

Have you ever heard of the saying, "Givers gain?" This is the motto to an international networking group, BNI. The belief is that if you give unconditionally without worrying about what you'll get out of it, that your giving will be returned tenfold. How often have you thought about withholding yourself from your partner because they haven't reciprocated in a while or because you've tried in the past to no avail. Think about this....if you gave to your partner unconditionally, that they will be more willing to return the giving??

I'm not talking about giving so much of yourself that you end up becoming resentful. I'm talking about the little things that can go a long way. Try it and see how your partner responds!

Tip #3: Go Beyond the Holidays

During the holidays, it is fascinating how everyone goes all out to demonstrate their love for one another: chocolates, cards, candy, flowers, jewelry.......It's all nice, but love needs to be demonstrated to your partner 365 days a year (366 if it's Leap Year!). Love can be expressed in many ways. How do you express love to your partner? Is it the type of love your partner needs? Some people like gifts, other like hugs, and even others prefer help with the daily routines.

An open discussion between you and your partner can uncover if the type of love you give is actually what your partner needs and vice versa. Understanding how your partner appreciates you will allow you to respond appropriately, resulting in an increased connection and less feeling unappreciated. Remember love is..........year around! And it gives so much in return!!!

Tip #4: Keep in Touch!

This time is full of responsibilities: children, bills, finances, work, health.....but where does your relationship fit in?

You need to give your relationship equal time to be successful. It's easy to say, "We'll do that tomorrow," but if "tomorrow" becomes "tomorrow" again and again, eventually, you may wake up one morning and realize it's been weeks or even months since you've made time for your partner.

You and your partner made time for each other when you first met. How did you make time for each other then? You went on dates. You would agree on a time to go out, be picked up at the door and spend an evening together. You did it once! You can do it again! Start by setting at least one night a month for the two of you to go out. Get a babysitter (if needed), make reservations and enjoy the time to reconnect.

Remember, the bills, finances and work responsibilities will be there the next day. One day the children will be off and having families of their own. Your health may not be what it is today. For all these reasons, today is the day to make a strong connection with your partner....and keep it nourished and healthy.

Tip #5: Claim Your Space

Nurturing your relationship and quality time is important. However, it is equally important to nurture yourself as individuals. Take time occasionally for yourself away from your spouse. Go out with friends...get involved with a hobby...whatever interests you have, foster them. It gives you a chance to regain your identity separate from your relationship, and provides you opportunities to share more with your partner at the same time.

Do You Have The Emotional Value Men - Women Are Looking For

Having emotional value is an incredibly powerful currency when it comes to dating (and relationships).

But what does emotional value mean?

Your emotional value is the degree that a man or woman perceives you as potentially contributing to their happiness. It is the most important filter by which both men and women determine how to spend their time and energy.

When a man or woman agrees to go out on a date with you, he or she is (sub-consciously) tuned to look for a type of energy or "mood of life" that tells him or her that you have the ability to bring new and uplifting emotional experiences into his or her life and that merging his or her life with you is more interesting and worthwhile than it would be if he or she were single and alone. The higher your emotional value the more likely that a man or woman will want to spend more time with you and explore the possibilities of a relationship. If you are perceived as having very low emotional value (or are an emotional risk) you end up not being worth the effort.

Unfortunately most of the time, many men and women are too preoccupied with the superficial "feelings' of physical attraction that they fail to recognize the more elementary, more significant inner process. You think you have the whole physical, mental and financial package and hit it off great but you get rejected for reasons "you don't understand". And if you ask him or her if there is something about you that they are unsure of, he/she'll probably tell you everything about you is okay but you suspect that is not true because he or she is stalling.

If you know what your emotional value to the opposite sex is, you can figure out how to "help" them "see" why and how life with you is more interesting and worthwhile than life without you. This lays a foundation for emotional connection and intimacy.

But if you don't know what your emotional value is, dating (and relationships) is a gamble – a lot of trying this and trying that. Very often you'll make an emotional investment without knowing where the other person is coming from or where you fit into in their plan (mistake). You either find yourself being put on eternal "hold" or getting hurt.

You might also want to read: Do You Have The Sexual Value Men/Women Are Looking For? Article can be found on my website under "articles" button.

Making Pheromones Perfume Work for You

We all enjoy different types of scents and associate them with a variety of things. For example, we often link lavender to relaxation. Many use pheromones perfume to attract members of the opposite sex. Perfume is extracted from plants and flowers and it triggers different senses to induce a mood or state of mind. Pheromones added to the perfume adds that little zest to perfume that could further enhance your sexual attractiveness to the opposite sex.

Insects, animals and plants mostly use pheromones to attract the opposite sex and this is not very different in human beings. People use perfume in order to smell better, be liked or be attractive for their partner. We often see commercials where a perfume or new scent is being marketed as irresistible to the opposite sex when used; technically however, it is the perfume pheromones that make it happen.

Pheromones are chemicals released by a living organism to attract the opposite sex. You will find that some perfume pheromones are stronger then the others. You may like a perfume on your partner better than the other, it is purely a matter of preference in smell.

Some people are allergic to strong perfume, especially if they have allergies to flower pollen. If your partner is allergic to perfume you can still get perfume pheromones to make yourself attractive by using scented lotion in a scent that he or she enjoys.

Lotions carry only small amounts of perfume in them. Since one usually applies it right after showering it enters the pores while they are still open and therefore the scent will stay on longer even if it does not smell stronger.

Many people have trouble holding a perfume on their skin for long periods of time and half way through an evening they need to refresh the scent. You can do so in two ways; either carry a purse size pheromone perfume or use layering to hold down a scent. Layering is done by applying the perfume lotion first on the body as soon as you step out of the shower and then spray the perfume on the pulse points; this should last you for at least eight hours. Also choose perfume and not eau de toilette because the former is stronger and longer lasting. Enjoy the perfume pheromones!

Get Over Him Already

Sure it stings, ladies. Did he cheat on you? Say he wasn't ready for a committed relationship? Move out? Now that it's over, it's healthy to be a bit, well, bitter. How you handle your heartbreak (and anger) is a good indication of how you'll approach your next relationship. Trusting and caring or resentful and suspicious. Relax, most guys are not out to ruin you. Here are seven unique ways to soothe your hurt without hurting him.

Write his name on your toilet paper lots of times. His first and last. And then use it.

Delete his name and number from your cell. It's a good way to purge him from your life.

One clever gym had a Valentine's Day Sucks workout; tape his pic on a punching bag and have at it.

Bonfire. Unless it's expensive jewelry, get rid of all the "gifts" he gave you. Have water handy. Remember that "Friends" episode? Give the first responders a day off.

New circles. It's likely you'll run into to him unless he's moved out of town. So reduce that risk and join a new gym, find a new club or take up a new hobby that will remove you from his favorite haunts.

Get out. A weekend away may be the balm, as staying home may just bring up bad memories. Travel is also the best way to meet new people. A cruise to nowhere may be a cost-effective way to enjoy yourself without emptying your wallet.

A liberty party. Throw yourself a girls-only "I'm free" soirée. Have fun now that you're single again. Enjoy the freedom with friends. Party game suggestion: The first person who says, "I told you so" has to clean your bathroom.

The best way to get over someone is to give yourself some time. Remember that the hurt isn't forever. And any change worth making, is worth a little pain.

Internet Dating – Quick Success Comes With Trust

If you had a sister who was online dating, what would you tell her?

You'd warn her, "Every guy is a stalker! A perv! A player! An axe-murderer!"

In fact, you have to begin by allowing women a good measure of distrust at the start. She doesn't know you and, frankly, she shouldn't want to go out with you until you've proven yourself trustworthy.

The onus is on you.

Here's how it goes: Trust comes first. Then relaxation.

Only then, will she reveal and release her passion safely.

Now, the biggest mistake most men make is trying to be her friend. To "nice" her into liking you. That is NOT what I am talking about.

You want her to trust you, but as an edgy lover, not as a pal. You need to be exciting but trustworthy.

It's a delicate line to walk. You have to send a series of key "trust-building signifiers." Here are two simple techniques among several that I have tested.

Trust Creating Technique #1: Explore Common Ground

The best way is to read her profile carefully, study how she IMs or emails you, then find one key piece of common ground. And lead with it. Seems obvious, but there is the smart way and the dumb way.

Did you go to the same school? If you both are involved with the same or similar organization – great. Church or charity, tennis, animal rescue. If she has a picture of a dog with her, then tell her a story about your dog, or your childhood dog, or your favorite dog movie.

The key here is don't be a dork and just say "I love dogs too!" Don't SAY it, . . SHOW your love of dogs. . Describe it. Get in some touch words, or sound words. How do you feel when you're with the mutt? Tell a story, paint a picture.

Another common mistake men is that they overdo this technique.

You don't want to sound like you are desperately trying to convince her you are safe. You just want to blend that commonality into the overall electrifying, contrasting signifier flow you are sending her way.

Trust Creating Technique #2: Admit That You Are Both "Adorably Pathetic"

Get above the conversation. Show that you have some altitude and some perspective on how man/woman dynamic go. Tell her you think she is "adorably pathetic."

That means you expect her to be female, think like a female, write like a female, behave like a female – but you will adore her for it. Because she's being just what she's supposed to be.

A girl.

Create trust by adoring her for those foreign girly things about her.

Check among the music she likes, find the sweetest, most "chick" one – especially the Dave Matthews Band. Bust on her for being such a girl for liking it, but throw in that dash of adoration for her pathetic taste.

By the way, you should notch up your advantage. Download Dave's greatest hits and know the songs she loves so that when she brings them up, you are strangely well informed. Trust. Commonality. Instant rapport.

Hold this one in reserve. Unleash your knowledge later. How come you know so much about the music you made fun of? Suddenly you are mysterious. Knowing. This is good. You want to be full of surprises.

If its really girly music, like Damien Rice or John Mayer, you can say you don't like to admit it, but that every so often, you take a break from Radiohead or Metallica and balance yourself out with a dose of Taylor.

Then suggest that this is music you might listen to with someone you care about under the covers on a rainy Sunday morning (paint this kind of picture!).

Build trust by conveying that you like women for being women, even if their tastes are adorably pathetic. We're not supposed to "get" their tastes. But how and masculine, secure and trustworthy to be cool with the difference.

Now she can express herself in the safety of your strong, tolerant, fun and wise container.